There is no one-size fits all approach to self-care. Self-care is unique for each person. You will speak to self-care and implement self-care practices in different ways than another family member or friend. The solution to good self-care is two-fold. One, make “you” the priority. Two, practice self-care daily. You are the best person to monitor your internal state for signs of depletion. You are best to decide what area of your life needs more attention and decide what you need to care for yourself better. You need to make clear choices on your own behalf.
There are several forms of self-care that should be incorporated into your daily routine. You do not choose one or three per day. Practicing “the best care for ‘you’ means you will purposely engage to do most of them on a daily basis:
- Regular sleep routine
- Fresh air
- Nutrition
- Physical exercise
- Nurturing your relationships
- Healthy boundaries
- Taking regular lunch breaks
- Making time for relaxation
- Asking yourself questions about your life and experiences
- Showing compassion, acceptance, and kindness to yourself
- Incorporating activities into your life that help you feel recharged
- Engaging in spiritual practices that you find fulfilling
- Face-to-face time with family and friends
- Keeping your mind sharp with activities that stimulate you
- Employing healthy ways to process your emotions
- Promoting curiosity to create wonder in your life
- Attending professional development programs.
- Engaging with a non-work hobby
- Nurturing supportive friendships
- Releasing pent up emotions
- Attending special events with family, friends
- Seeking medical attention – annual physical as well as consults with professionals as necessary.
Exercise #1:
Write a list of your current daily activities (work days and non-work days). Record how much time you spent on each thing. Include everything – making a bed, texting friends, playing games – no matter how mundane it is, whether it takes two minutes or two hours. In another column, list the things you do on a daily basis to care for yourself. Add the time. Is your list lopsided? Some self-care activities, such as sleep or exercise may appear on your list, but get too little attention. Some may not even appear on your list. Compare your list to the list above. Do you see where you can put more energy into caring for yourself better?
Exercise #2:
Do you realize that every time you say “yes” to someone, you are saying “no” to yourself? Look at your list one more time and identify areas where you can say “yes” to you.
Only you can decide to make all aspects of self-care a priority. Only you can make time to care for your physical, mental and spiritual well-being. Once you make more aspects of self-care part of your daily routine, you will discover that many of things that you struggle to incorporate today will become effortless. Some will bring so much enjoyment and benefit you will do them many times a day.
Part of self-care is doing a frequent assessment in this manner. Adjustments may be necessary in the early stages of implementing new self-care strategies. A few tactics may be easier to implement on a daily basis, such as ensuring you get adequate sleep, nutrition, or fresh air. You can emphasize some aspects of self-care by fine-tuning your routine – time with friends, activities that energize you or keep your mind sharp, self-compassion. You may have to implement some forms of self-care in stages as you learn new strategies or adjust your schedule to make self-care the priority. As self-care strategies evolve into part of your daily routine, an assessment helps you determine which other aspect of self-care to incorporate. Perform an assessment when areas of your life change or when you need extra attention to make yourself feel good, show yourself love and compassion, or balance out stress.
One aspect of self-care that many of us struggle with is setting healthy boundaries, physical or emotional. That may be because we do not know what healthy boundaries look like. Let’s start with the word “boundary”. We might not carry around a giant “no trespassing” sign, but the word itself conveys the idea that we are barricading ourselves off from others. The opposite is true, because boundaries are actually healthy connecting points by which we navigate our relationships. Psychologists call them invisible bubbles. We could call them rules, guidelines, or personal limits.
Your personal boundaries can be intellectual, physical, or emotional.
Intellectual boundaries include respect for your ideas and an awareness of what you deem appropriate for discussion.
Physical boundaries include your body, sense of personal space, sexual orientation, and privacy. Examples of physical boundaries:
Emotional boundary invasions are things you do to yourself:
Learn how to recognize your limits regarding: personal space, emotions and thoughts, stuff or possessions, time and energy, culture, religion, and ethics. Our bodies always give us signals when we are near a personal limit – clenched fists, tightened jaw, churning stomach, perspiration. When you feel anger or resentment or find yourself whining or complaining, you probably need to set a boundary. Explore your discomfort. Examine similar past experiences that may have occurred because your limits had been crossed. Determine what you need to do limit your exposure to feeling that way again.
“When you told our friends about what’s been going on with my family, I felt hurt and embarrassed. Please don’t share things about me without my consent. My privacy is important to me.“
