In terms of negative, offensive
body language this is a biggie. We spin “little white lies” to be
likable, to appear more competent, or to spare people’s feelings. Twisting the truth is considered part of
being a polite. Most of us have good
instincts when it comes to recognizing liars, but we tend to talk ourselves out
of believing or acting on what instinct tells us. Who wants to call someone a liar for saying
“What a cute baby!”
However, when a colleague is
lying, manipulating the facts, and possibly affecting our work and business,
what do we do? None of us likes to be
deceived. Deceit can be toxic to a culture of trust and teamwork. We do not want lies to
escalate to the drama caused by corrupt behaviour, crises or scandal. Since we cannot always pick our clients or
who we work with, we can get stuck with some immoral people who create a myriad
of problems in the workplace through dishonesty.
How much of a problem is it? In fact, a psychological study at
the University of Virginia indicates that the frequency of lying may be likened
to brushing your teeth. Most people lie
to someone else at least once or twice a day.
That means that over the course of a week, they lie to 30 percent of the
individuals they interact with.
Is lying just a bad habit? Is it necessary to survive? Is it a bid for attention? What makes a person lie instead of telling the truth? We actually meet different kinds of liars:
We are not all narcissists or sociopaths. When we don't want to tell the truth we lie. then we feel bad about lying. Yet, most liars think they are home-free and get away with lying. They do not truly understand these four fundamental truths:
No matter what kind of liar you deal with if you are like most of us you get a sense that the person cannot be trusted. You intuitively know that their subtle non-verbal cues are not aligned with their words. The liar’s nose does not grow in front of your eyes. Yet, you may be seeing more overt warning signs that the individual may be dishonest:
You cannot fix the deceptive person. However, you can lessen the impact of their deviousness and contain the damage by learning how to identify and then deal with liars.
First however, you have to be absolutely certain that the person lied before making such an accusation. You may not be able to trust a potential liar so you have to check the facts to determine the source and gravity of the lie. You need to consider your motivations, as well as the consequences, before identifying someone as a liar.
Professional interrogators have different motivations than entrepreneurs, co-workers, or parents for determining who is lying. They need more than instinct so they became experts in body language. They understand a great deal about deception and the liars who package it. They know the physiological changes that happen in the body when a person lies.
Science proves that it takes a lot more mental energy to lie than to tell the truth. When a person tells the truth, he or she actually uses six centers of the brain. When a person lies, fourteen centers of the brain are activated. There is so much mental activity going on that there is an automatic secretion of adrenalin which forces the liar’s body to react or move and give away clues. After a lie has been told, especially serious lies, the liar has a lot to deal with – the emotional consequences of guilt, anxiety, and fear of being found out. Whether the person is an inept liar or one who has polished their act, the non-verbal language cues always eventually appear.
You may not need the interrogator’s keen skills, but their insights will be extremely helpful.
First, the interrogator engages in strategic interplay. They may make small talk to establish what the person’s normal speaking patterns, gestures and honest physiological reactions look like. They encourage the person to talk. As further questioning progresses and hints about evidence may be revealed, the interplay changes in the person’s body language and the interrogator know what “red flags” (non-verbal clusters) to look for.
Watch for these cues displayed by incompetent liars:
Are these 12 cues infallible?
There is not single cue that signals someone is lying. Not all people who emit one of these cues or a cluster of cues is a liar. For example, people can touch their nose because they have a cold or they have just come in from the cold outdoors. Many of these signs can also be indications of nervousness which might be evident for other reasons than lying. Context is important. For example If someone is uncomfortable in a chair or has ADHD, he may fidget; if someone is nervous, her voice may crack. Pursed lips might mean the person does not want to engage in the conversation at hand. A person with PTSD could display similar signs when they are stressed by a situation.
These cue are not a foolproof indication of lying. When you are untrained in understanding non-verbal language behaviours, your perceptions may not be accurate. That is why developing interpretation skills requires practice. In fact, with practice it becomes extremely easy to spot a lie, even the lies that are not dramatic or grandiose.
Well-seasoned liars know about these multiple little negative signals that can expose them. That’s why they learn how to package their deception.
You have to be alert when dealing with competent liars because they have learned to suppress their emotions. Prolific liars lie about small, simple things and when they believe that lying is acceptable or they are lying for their own self-interest it is much easier for them to fool you because can appear quite natural. Competent liars are more aware of body language and try to polish their behaviour to deliberately disguise the more obvious signs.
However, the signals of lying manifest in different ways. You see, liars have a dilemma. They can never be sure that they haven’t been discovered for their deceptions. They do not know what evidence the spouse, boss, or interviewer has against them. You may detect there is an unnaturalness in their act.
Even competent liars display obvious non-verbal cues. These signs are different than those of an amateur liar:
There are less obvious micro-expressions that happen very fast and are more difficult to detect if you are not aware of what to look for. You have to be very attentive to see signs that are leaking out from behind the mask. That takes more knowledge and practice. Download our definitive guide to Decoding Body Language
Please note that psychopaths, don’t demonstrate these behaviors because they don’t feel nervous or guilty about lying. Other skills are necessary to determine who is psychopathic.
Competent or not, there are some cues in the eyes of a liar that will help you gauge truth from fiction. Please note that directions left or right are specific to the individual who is generating the signals.
Looking right – generally indicates the person is creating, fabricating, guessing, lying, or storytelling. “Creating” in this instance is basically making things up and saying them. Depending on the context, this can indicate lying, such as when the person is supposed to be recalling facts. However, in other circumstances, for example, storytelling to a child, this would be perfectly normal. Looking right when stating facts does not necessarily mean lying – it could, for example, mean that the person does not know the answer, and is talking hypothetically or speculating or guessing.
Looking left – generally indicates the person is recalling information or retrieving facts. Recalling and then stating 'facts' from memory in appropriate context, often equating to telling the truth. Whether the 'facts' (memories) are correct is another matter.
Looking right and up – indicates visual imagining, fabrication, lying. Related to imagination and creative (right-side) parts of the brain, this upwards right eye movement can be a warning sign of fabrication if a person is supposed to be recalling and stating facts.
Looking right sideways – indicates the person is imagining sounds. This signal can include a person imagining or fabricating what another person has said or could say.
Looking right and down – indicates the person is accessing feelings. This can be a perfectly genuine response, or not. It is a creative signal but not a fabrication; it can signal that the person is self-questioning their feelings about something. Having context and recognizing other signals are important for interpreting more specific meaning about this signal.
Looking left and up – indicates the person is recalling images of truthfulness. This is related to accessing memory in the brain, rather than creating or imagining. It is a reassuring sign, if signaled when the person is recalling and stating facts.
Looking left sideways – indicates the person is recalling or remembering sounds. This is not fabricating or imagining. It could indicate recalling what has been said by another person.
Looking left down – indicates silent self-talking or rationalizing, thinking things through by self-talk. This self-talk is concerning an outward view, rather than the inward feelings, typically in trying to arrive at a view or decision.
