You should be able to recognize when another
person’s body is speaking to you and what it is saying. The ability to read non-verbal cues is
essential to understanding, analyzing, and predicting the actions and
intentions of others.
Understanding the language of non-verbal
communication is more than just knowing the theory – you have to be constantly
aware of the signals people are giving. That means, to get a clear picture and
understanding of the layers of communication you must not only listen to what
is being said, you must also pay close attention to the person to catch as many
of the nuances of non-verbal communication as possible.
Everyone you meet is continuously adding layers of meaning to what they are thinking and feeling subconsciously. Even in silence some part of that person’s body is sending you a message.
A person’s body is a powerfully expressive tool. Though, not all non-verbal communication cues are transparent. Some cues are obvious, especially when described in simple language such as “shoulder shrug”, “snarled lips” or “blinking eyes”. There are many body language cues that may be barely discernible (pupils dilating) or appear for a fraction of a second (twitch or tightness of the mouth). You have to be alert and know what to look for. Cues can appear in combination with other cues and mean something entirely different. Even when cues are obvious they can be entirely missed if your attention is distracted.
We will review each of these nine points as they relate to how you should pay attention:
The first step in decoding an individual’s consistent behavior is to discern their baseline (normal) behavior so that you can recognize when that person deviates from their normal composure. You need a baseline from which to start, to avoid making the incorrect assumptions. Some individuals are naturally quieter than others are; some more animated in actions or speech; some have a specific way of engaging with others. Knowing how to read body language also includes judging each sign you see by the context of the situation and that person’s individual quirks.
Say, a student habitually likes to sit with her arms folded because that is a comfortable position for her. That body position is a baseline from which to interpret her other body language. An observant teacher would not suddenly think it is a negative signal when the girl suddenly folds her arms to relax in her favourite position. If someone is always jumpy, jumpiness does not indicate anything unusual.
Of course, it is much easier to determine a baseline for a person with whom you already have a relationship. You can tell if someone you work with is suddenly experiencing stress or discomfort because you know what his or her normal behaviours look like.
Here’s another example. You know your boss likes to think on her feet. Her desire to pace or walk around the office could be her desire to fuel the conversation with movement. However, if your boss suddenly stops moving, it is a cue that something has changed in her emotions or intent. When uncharacteristic body language cues emerge, they give you a possible glimpse into the person’s subconscious thinking.
To establish a baseline for people you meet for the first time, you should observe six patterns of behavior. Rate each behavior on a scale from 1-10. As the conversation advances, you can determine how these patterns change. If a person’s behavior jumps from one extreme to another, pay attention:
Research indicates that normal behavior patterns are worthy of our attention, because when they change there is usually a reason. Behaviours change when another person enters the room. They will change within 3-5 seconds of a question being asked or an issue being discussed. From your baseline, you can note what aspect of a discussion created the shift in the baseline pattern. Your ability to spot these changes in behavour will set you apart from your peers.
The ability to establish a baseline is an underrated and indispensible skill which will set you apart from your peers. Without it, you cannot effectively interpret body language.
Even though you depend on body language to communicate, it can be very complex to interpret, with all of its many meanings and combinations coming at you in a steady flow. You can miss several signals when you do not pay attention. Non-verbal indicators do not appear in isolation. Non-verbal communication involves the entire body. You have to pay attention to everything about the person.
Some subconscious gestures are very slight and fleeting, lasting a fraction of a second. That makes micro expressions very difficult to spot. Because a person cannot control micro expressions, they have significant usefulness to anyone paying attention to the fine distinction of their presence. Micro expressions expose a person's true emotions. You should also be able to discern non-verbal cues both before and after the words are conveyed.
You can even miss obvious signs – especially if they are disguised or displayed in a situation when other things distract you. It is only through a keen observation of the whole body, with emphasis on catching micro expressions, that you get honest non-verbal indicators. The quick cues are honest signals because they happen without the person’s intent.
Body language that lingers may be there because the speaker wants you to see it, in an attempt to hide their true intent. Remember the person may be practiced in contrived body language and deliberately distracting your attention in overt actions. The speaker and a partner may have rehearsed how to cleverly manipulate where you place your attention. That is why you must concentrate on the speaker.
If you are close enough, observe the eyes and pupils of the person. You have a significant advantage by checking for that clue.
Where possible, pay attention to the artifacts that surround the person. It gives you better awareness of the person. What a person has in close proximity – from office furnishings, clothes, jewelry, briefcases, purses, eyeglasses, magazines, or sometimes other people – communicates something about a person’s sense of self or at least the sense of self they want to communicate. If anything this knowledge allows you to more accurately adapt your messages and reactions.
You may not realize it but you are always unconsciously processing the subtle non-verbal signals of communication. It is how you are able to sense someone is dishonest or something is out of kilter. When words and nonverbal cues are misaligned, your natural instincts kick in and you experience psychological discomfort. That discomfort probably means something. Do not dismiss what your instinct tells you.
Instinct is different than what your brain tells you. Your brain is constructed to find information you think should be there, rather than looking at information that is actually there. Your instinct is not looking for the “should be” it is sending you signals about what is actually there. When you have preconceived notions because you want something to be true, you can easily try to dismiss your instincts. You can force your brain to look for hints that contradict your intuitive feelings. When you do this, you cloud your perception and smother your intuitive powers. Trust your instincts. Let your instinct guide you to interpret the non-verbal signals that speak the truth.
As you hone your ability to detect and interpret non-verbal signals in communication, your instincts will become even sharper.
Look for patterns in a person’s behavior. To be consistent, non-verbal communication should reinforce what the person says. Your aim should always be to piece together the strong signals to support or invalidate a message. All the cues have a pace and intensity, too. If you notice one strong involuntary cue, you should watch for other cues that support an interpretation. Gestures that appear close together strengthen your interpretation. The cluster of non-verbal cues offers more evidence for a reliable meaning.
Negative and contradictory body language are reliable? In fact, some experts, based on lots of experience, use that as a guideline in interpreting body language, especially when they get mixed messages. When they see positive language, accompanied by negative cues, they discount the positive and pay closer attention to the negative signals. Also, they like to focus on negative micro expressions or gestures that happened first, flashed quickly, or occurred close together.
Congruency is a clear comparison between two communication channels, verbal and nonverbal. When people believe what they are saying, you see it corroborated in their body language. Their gestures and expressions are in alignment with what they say. There are many justifiable reasons why people do not always say exactly what they mean. Here are just four such reasons: language barriers, not wanting to offend or frighten others, inappropriate place or timing, keeping state secrets. When a person does not have a legitimate reason to deflect from the truth you will see signs in their body language. When you hear the person says one thing but you see or sense that his or her body language conveys something else, take note of the mismatch, because when one part of body language is out of step with the others, it sends a warning signal that something is wrong, even if you cannot consciously identify what it is. Consider all the factors, other people in the room and make an informed interpretation.
Learn more about the Body Language of Liars
Words on their own are robotic monotonous sounds without the vocal nuances we use to express our thoughts and feelings. Think of auditory cues as the expressive aspects, acoustic properties or vocal qualities of voice and how these signals convey additional meaning through volume, pitch, cadence, nasality, speed, timing, pauses, tones, inflections, swallowing, sighing, crying, laughing, breathing, and the nasalized or guttural utterances that come from the nose and throat. These cues contribute to the emotional quality of the statements and give you clues as to the emotions and attitude of the speaker.
Think how another person’s tone of voice indicates strain, warmth, confidence or sarcasm. A person can make a sarcastic statement and then repeat the exact words with different emphasis on some words to turn it into a question or a compliment or invitation. When a speaker uses a grunt, moan, gasp, yawn, groan, clearing of the throat, ahem, or uh-huh to modify what he or she say, it adds a sub-text or give clues to how a piece of information is meant to be interpreted. A speaker can enhance a message through speaking in a loud or soft voice, by using pauses, breathy intonations, or by holding a long drawn out syllable. Do you hear your own your tone of voice, and how it changes when you project interest, boredom, or anger?
If communication is simply about conveying a message, then sometimes silence does that better than any words. Silence can be for dramatic effect, to build suspense before revealing something of significance. Silence can be a moment for contemplation, or a moment for the speaker to regain some emotional control. There might be an awkward gap if the speaker becomes confused or just does not know what to say.
Of course, silence can mean something entirely different if the conversation was a game of one-upmanship, rather than an exchange of ideas. The key to understanding silence is to grasp the implications of the message prior to the pause, as well as what clue you might have about what to expect after the silence ends. Communication has timing and place – is there an easy flow of information back and forth?
To master the art of nonverbal communications, you must be able to decode signals transmitted from different zones of the body: facial expressions, posture, eyes, mouth, head position, forehead, hands, arms, feet and legs, and proximity. When observing people, you should not tell them that you are observing different parts of their body to gauge their emotions. It would not only annoy them it would most certainly cause immense difficulty. You have to learn to do it discretely.
Much of the language of non-verbal communication emitted by the body you already know. You’ve known a lot of is since you were a child. It is naturally fluid for you to understand it: you don’t hit pause and rewind, you simply and quickly understand what you see. Whatever you might still need to learn is actually fairly simple and common sense once you know the cues. With time and practice interpreting this second language will seem to flow naturally, too.
To make it as easy as possible for you to learn, we have two resources:
A long form resource: Interpretting the Language of Non-Verbal Communication
Booklet: Decoding the Language of Non-Verbal Communication – outlines the body zones and the common non-verbal communication cues and what they mean – 43 pages.
Practice is so crucial to reading what is being transmitted through another person’s non-verbal communication cues. Every time you interact with someone, take a second to observe things to establish a baseline. Observe the behavior patterns, make note of cues that stand out. Pay extra attention to what your instincts are telling you and relate that to what you are seeing and hearing. After an encounter, take a few extra moments to process and reflect on what you observed and what you learned.
