Did you know that in every human
interaction, we consciously or subconsciously draw from over 1,000 non-verbal
indicators to convey information apart from our words?
How many of cues do you think you can identify? What might
you be missing? Do
you know what non-verbal cues you are revealing?
There
are several reasons why having the skills to interpret non-verbal communication
cues is essential, and each one points to the magnitude and impact of
non-verbal communication on our lives.
Here are only seven. Each one illustrates how non-verbal communication takes precedence over verbal
communication:
Our bodies are powerfully expressive tools. They speak a language of their own saying much more than we realize, both when we want them to and when we’re oblivious to it. You may not realize it, but you communicate through non-verbal cues more than you do through words. We all do. We share layers of meaning without the use of words.
Involuntary and unintentional cues are the most sensitive, sending out a continuous stream of insightful information. Others perceive these flashes of insight and can instantly sense your feelings, attitudes and moods. They consciously and unconsciously react to this information and their bodies in turn communicate their emotions to us. Essentially, through these sensitivities, we connect with other people.
These cues may be barely visible to the naked eye. Both unintentional micro expressions and involuntary cues (an eyebrow lift, a corner of a twitch, pupils contracting, a small tightness of the mouth, etc) can appear and disappear so quickly (some can be 1/30 of a second) that we can easily miss seeing important data that adds layers of genuine meaning to the words.
We rely on body language as tools of communication. We use non-verbal expressions to augment or even replace words we might otherwise say. We do not need to hear the words to recognize a smile of friendship, the tears of grief, or a triumphant salute. We use hand gestures to illustrate the size or shape of an object. We have a limited vocabulary to express many emotions such as anger, fear and love, so we rely on non-verbal communication to express what we are feeling.
And, we do it very well. It takes several elements of non-verbal communication to express one emotion. Take love. We express love through multiple sensory channels such as lots of lingering smiles, prolonged eye contact, mirroring, close proximity, increased touch, laughter, and time spent together.
The interpretation of what all the cues mean may not always be accurate if you miss important signals.
It is the presence and the essentialness of body language and its associated layers of meaning that you see in another person’s idiosyncrasies, smiles, facial expressions, gestures, body movements, and vocal tones. The impact of another person’s body language is what causes you to prefer talking to that person in person rather than over the phone.
Insightful moments for understanding and connection are always flashing before you when you are in the presence of another person. You should want the skills to understand what those messages mean.
Yes, non-verbal communication is everywhere; everyone uses it and relies on it. We express our individuality and give others impressions about us non-verbally through the way we talk, our facial expressions, our body movements, the way we carry ourselves, and outward appearances. Everyone we encounter passes along information about their confidence, level of comfort, sincerity, and the integrity of their message through clusters of natural non-verbal cues.
As stated before, our words alone do not carry the meaning of our message. We consciously or subconsciously draw from over 1,000 non-verbal cues to convey additional information or confirm our words are authentic. Therefore, there are thousands of combinations of cues. As observers, we know how to interpret many of the signals intuitively, but we also fail to notice many other signals that carry significant meaning.
There are four main reasons we miss them.
How many of cues do you think you can identify? What might you be missing? Do you know how to interpret this universal language? Do you know what non-verbal cues you are revealing?
Non-verbal communication patterns never stop. They are not only instantaneous they are unremitting. We can stop talking to end verbal communication. However, we can never turn off non-verbal communication. It is persistent in wanting to communicate, and does so. Our posture, eye contact (lack of eye contact), or facial expressions are always communicating something about us, whether intentional or unintentional. Our bodies reveal non-verbal cues in a kind of continuous chatter that oozes out with every breath and in between breaths, too. Our bodies deliver a constant flow of information – that has to have an impact on communication, whether we realize it or not.
Non-verbal cues are always in motion, from one microsecond to the next, flowing constantly from one movement to another, through the space our body occupies, through every tiny interaction, through the silence, through what is “not said” and “how it is not said”.
Our body conveys messages while we speak, while we listen, while we observe, while we are with others or alone, while we speak on the phone, or watch the news or movie alone. Our bodies fill every moment with layers of meaning.
Non-verbal language flows so constantly and so seamlessly, it actually regulates interaction because we manage conversations through nonverbal cues.
Additionally, in the constant influx, we subconsciously pick up on other signals and sense meaning that requires interpretation. Think about this: When people are comfortable around others it is because their brains are receiving signals of safety. If a person sends off signs of anger or intent to harm, we have a hair-trigger sensor in our brain that instantly tells us that person in front of us could be dangerous. Other people use similar instincts to determine if they should trust us. People can sense or read our non-verbal cues to know when our verbal and non-verbal communication signals align.
How well can you correctly identify the feelings behind facial expressions? How often can you detect a fleeting cue in the eyes or mouth? Imagine how many cues you may miss within this constant motion and influx. You can dismiss some signals too quickly because you may not have the skills to interpret one element or cluster of elements and differentiate their meanings. It takes skill and practice to detect all the nuances and micro expressions among the more obvious cues, especially when so many cues can come at you at any one time.
Through their studies, researchers and experts in non-verbal communication claim that between 50% and 80% percent of all human communications are naturally non-verbal. Emerging science in the fields of psychology, anthropology, linguistics and sociology show that nonverbal signals are the most honest and reliable source of communication since they are subconscious. In other words, our bodies cannot lie and our non-verbal communication signals provide continuous layers of real meaning.
Nonverbal communication is not just authentic it is visually authentic. Imagery is more engaging and conveys so much more information than real words. Just, try describing a facial expression, or just a particular smile. Many words later, your description may not have as much impact as the image you recall of that smile. Images have the ability to convey abstract and complex concepts. Images convey layers of meaning, and are more enduring. When we look at a photograph or painting we are moved by that brief visual moment captured by the artist.
Because non-verbal communication is in constant flow, we are constantly receiving natural and visual input. Research indicates this input has a greater impact on communication than words. Let’s break this down into percentages.
With only 10% of communication involving actual words, don’t you think we should take the interpretation of non-verbal communication very seriously? What we understand (or fail to understand) through non-verbal communication has an effect on how we do business, stay informed, participate in the democratic process, partake in community affairs, respect the rights, beliefs, and opinions of others, and maintain personal relationships.
Wouldn’t you want to understand the most important layers of meaning in all your communications?
Nonverbal communication is more involuntary than verbal. The involuntary nature of much nonverbal communication makes it more difficult to control or “fake.” Honesty has an enormous influence on communication. No matter what words we utter, our non-verbal cues reveal our true feelings or intentions. This may be the most important motive for learning the language of non-verbal communication. Research indicates that the signals sent out by our bodies are genuine because our bodies are incapable of lying. That makes body language more reliable and convincing than words.
Studying what is revealed or conveyed through body language is critical to truly understanding the whole context of any communication. No one likes to be deceived.
Learning the skills helps you ascertain if a particular kind of body language is a true signal, just a random event, or a misleading cue. By grasping the concept that your entire body can speak truthfully and clearly without words, you will become more aware of how your body language speaks for you and you can adapt your own behaviors to become more genuine.
Written communications allow for correction, refinement, or retraction. When we make an oral statement, we can immediately explain our comments in the hopes of clarifying a point. The original statement may not disappear completely, but we do have alternatives to explain, rephrase, or correct something we wrote or said. Non-verbal communication cannot be separated from all the other parts of the communications. We cannot hit pause or rewind to review individual cues, because body language is fluid and happening all the time. It is so honest and reliable; we cannot erase it, fix it or alter it for future use. For that reason alone we certainly should not ignore it, either.
Neither should you.
One of the keys of communication is not singling out one word as the whole meaning of the conversation. Words appear in sentences and the combination of words makes meaning clearer. Similarly, if we single out one cue for meaning, what we interpret will not be as reliable as the meaning we derive from a combination of non-verbal cues.
Non-verbal communication can be ambiguous and confusing, if we put too much emphasis on one or even two non-verbal cues, among all the other stimuli we receive. Our interpretations can be incorrect if we single out one cue without context, because one signal can be linked to multiple meanings. Tears, for example, can appear because a person is feeling sentimental, grief, pain, or happiness. The wetness in their eyes could be reflex tears because the person laughed hard and long, peeled an onion, or just come in from the wind.
In general, we exhibit more idiosyncrasies in our display of non-verbal communication than we do with verbal communication, which increases the ambiguity of non-verbal communication cues. When non-verbal communication is ambiguous, we narrow down the meaning by looking for context clues in other sources of information: the physical environment, other non-verbal signals, or subsequent wordage.
Resist jumping to conclusions about others, negative or positive, based on any single non-verbal cue. Study the person to observe other cues of the message so you can make sense of the first non-verbal cue you perceived or noticed.
The more skills you have the better you can decode the non-verbal cues. You attain mutual understanding, reduce defensiveness and the potential for conflict. You gain a clearer understanding and that makes you a better communicator on all levels.
